The landscapes of South Africa are amazing, but the atmosphere of ambient fear, the normalized segregation and the daily racism made me feel unconfortable... Hitchhiking was very difficult, we often had to wait several hours. But it allowed us to meet people of all colors and from all walks of life. We hiked in national parks and were invited by generous farmers. We spent three nice weeks dogsitting near Cape Town and I participated to a 10 days retreat of Vipassana meditation in silence. I was both shocked and amazed by these two months in South Africa. Then I continued my hitchhiking world tour in Namibia.

​

10 days of Vipassana meditation in silence

January 2020

It's been a few years that I have heard of this retreat from other travelers as a "great experience" or "a revelation". There are Vipassana centers around the world, but places are limited. I finally managed to register in South Africa for the session from January 1st to 12th, perfect to start the year 2020 in a special way!

I was interested in (re) discovering meditation: it is not an introspection or prayer, it is not religious or spiritual. It is actually trying not to think while concentrating on an your breathing or on your body's sensations.

I was very enthusiastic to take up a new challenge, both moral and physical: no speaking for 10 days, no eye contact or gestures with women (we are separated from men), no writing, no reading, no electronic equipment (phone, computer, camera etc), vegetarian food, no alcohool, no drugs or medication .... In truth, I found it quite easy, I have felt no lack. I even appreciated the silence.

For me, the difficulty was to get up at 4 a.m. every day, to be deprived of dinner and especially to be seated 10 hours a day while meditating. It hurts extremely the legs and the back. I already had previous back problems. But since everyone seemed to be in pain, I told myself that it was normal until the 7th day when I cried in pain. I told myself that it was going too far and the professor authorized me to use my muscle relieve gel and a file (normally reserved for the elderly but I must admit that I have an old woman's back).

The professor is the only person to whom we can speak and ask questions at specific times. The instructions are given every evening by an old Burmese guru Mr. Goenka through a grainy video from 1991 in 4: 3 format. With a strong indian accent, he explained in English the instructions (basically to focus on the breathing and the body's sensations). He talked about reincarnation and sang the stories of Buddha (Seriously ?! But it was written that it was not a religious organization ... Well, Buddhism is a philosophy and not a religion, but they could have mentioned it, right?!). Inbetween two jokes, the old Goenka does mental destabilization above all by saying things and their opposite (don't feel guilty VS you're a miserable), by repeating the same negative words "misery", "abortion", "state of need". He blames "the miserable" who would like to leave before the end, would not understand the learning or would not make any donation. I would have liked to debate his words but impossible in silence and then it was already time to sleep to digest all his words. It was also written that it was not a sectarian organization ...

Every day I want to leave and I wonder: why is it supposed to be a great experience ? what is the revelation? On the mental level, I spend my time imagining stories. I remember old memories and people I thought I had forgotten. "My lonelyness is killing me" ... Britney, stop singing in my head! "Yééééaaaaa I must confess" ... that I get bored 10 hours straight. On days 3 and 4, I have negative thoughts related to my fears, but nothing like a revelation, these are things of which I am already aware. On the physical level, I have very strong back pains and I do not feel any "wow sensation".

On the 9th day, Goenka talks about the concept of happiness ... and there I begin to understand why people love this retreat ... It is true that for someone sad or who has never thought about the concept of happiness, it can be a revelation ...

On the 10th day, at 10 am, youare allowed to look at each others, to smile, to laugh, to use the "noble speaking" ... It's a bit like seeing the land after weeks at sea or putting yourself in the shade of a green tree after a month in the desert : It's an explosion of emotions and joy! We don't have the time or the inclination to say banalities. We talk about our personal experiences, our thoughts and therefore our private lives. The conversations are intense, we exchange our contacts. Someone knock on my door to ask for silence at 10:30 p.m. because my roommate and I can't stop speaking.

All the participants seem to have loved the experience, they found it "awesome" ... I point out that their memories are a bit short: that this 10th day was great to the point to forget the 9 previous ones. They all suffered (except the yoga addicts), but for them, this suffering worthed it because it allowed them to clarify their ideas and their priorities. Some have even experienced the "dissolution of the body" (which consists in feeling one's body liquefied).

In short, I think I am the only "miserable" who did not like this retreat, apart from the silence, the delicious food and the beautiful center in the mountains.
It didn't bring me anything. Am I already a Buddha ?! Impossible, in this case, I would have reached nirvana.
I am not questioning the benefits of meditation. It seems to me that these Vipassana retreats are rather intended for the sad who do not have time to think ... that represents 99% of human beings but I do not fit into these categories.

Is travelling a form of contemplative meditation? Observing the landscapes, the people, listen to them, absorb everything like a sponge, live slowly, live the present moment, live at the rhythm of nature, let it go, get bored sometimes, relativize a lot, feel free ... I am not a buddha but kind of, I am a traveler.

​